I wonder, almost every time, where do I stand in life? What value I have in the lives of those around me? It's like those days again, no, I correct myself. It has always been that way. I always am a loner. Always. More than often I go unheard, not of my opinions or such but rather, what the inside of me really feels. I know I sound pathetic and stuff, but really. I more than often end up dining alone. I'm almost close to not having any friends or, maybe I do but unlike them, I just don't have a life at all. Some go abroad to feel the pinch, some loose things to feel it, me? I just have to be myself. Christmas is around the corner and... well, it's just Christmas.
I'm loud, noisy, cracking jokes all the time and I do my best to cheer people up but the cliche truth about all this is, I desperate need someone to look into my soul and tell me, I'm not alone. I go to the stupidest extent for people around me only because I don't want them being anywhere close to where I am but I also do it because I feel, completely, out-of-place. I feel like a shadow. I feel expendable.
I wish I was a happier person inside than being such a hollow individual. Hollow-fied.
